Did I mention ...

...the part about feeling like you are starting back at "square one"? (What does that phrase mean anyhow?) Like after everything has been stripped away (as many of us - me included - have gone through this year) you are left with nothing and not sure where to go next? It feels like starting all over again, way back when I first started doing energy healing and selling rocks. I don't like it. It's uncomfortable and out of my "zone". The work put into my business for 8+ years suddenly feels null and void, and honestly, some days, I am not sure if I should keep going or just give it all up and get a boring 9-5 job. Did I really spend all that time so that I can just throw it away? This new space of "beginnings" is for a purpose, it has to be, right?

We have to be clear of everything - E V E R Y T H I N G - that holds us back, that doesn't serve us, that does not bring us JOY and LIFE. When we get to that point, we can CREATE what we want, how we want it, when we want it (now please!), and it is going to be BLISS.

Or something.

It doesn't mean it's not a challenge.

This journey of "ascension" or transformation we are on has not been easy. But we are trying to cram so many lifetimes of issues and karma and clearing into ONE lifetime that it gets a little overwhelming. It gives me great peace to know that not only am I not alone in this -- yeah, I see you there, in the pink sweater and curlers in your hair... I know YOU'RE going through it too -- and that some day we will just laugh at all this. But I keep reminding myself it is ALL GOOD and really, it does feel good in some odd way. I love this journey and would not trade it. Well, most of it.

So yes, personally, I have let a lot of things go (and remind me to blog later about the difference between releasing, surrendering, and letting go) this year and am still in that process. And I am grateful to be free from a few things. It is all going to bring in NEW things that have not been revealed yet and I have no glimpse of (frustrating for my Aries "I need the whole plan" self) just yet. I am opening myself up to the new after I have let go of teaching classes, doing expo's, and now having a committed office. It's a little scary, but I am TRUSTING the guidance and having FAITH that it is all part of a divine scheme to get me to step up into my higher self and truly be ME.


Part Two:

Decision making is not happening right now. UGH. Can we please get to a place where I can PLAN something more than a day ahead of time? Oh wait, but before that can happen I actually have to DECIDE what I want. I have not been able to make clear concise decisions, which are usually easy and clear for me, to save my life. (Again, where does that phrase come from?) From really simple things like where we should go for dinner to really big life-changing decisions like my office.

Example... last night I suddenly got the urge in my whole BEING to be on the North Shore in Grand Marais (for you non-Minnesota people, this is way far northern MN along Lake Superior, about as far as you can go without hitting Canada) like NOW. I could not wait a mere WEEK. Or could I? I don't know, I can't decide. So let me text my friends and ask, "6th or 13th?" Both said 13th. I chose the 6th simply because I could not stand NOT making a decision any longer. I have been wanting to get up here (I am here now) since July. Alone. To just breathe and be and go IN. And to eat Sven & Ole's pizza and walk the frozen beach (it is SO much easier when the rocks don't move! LOL). Anyhow, once I made the decision and was on the road this morning, I felt so much lighter and happier. And then seeing the water this afternoon I started breathing deeper, and now tonight there is a stunning PINK ring around the moon that is rising above the lake right outside my window.

It's heaven.

So why did it take me so freakin' long to get to the decision?

On that note, enough blabbering. Please know I am NOT complaining about my life or what's happening. I am grateful for it ALL and happy to share the joys and challenges with you. Right now it's just more challenges. That could totally change tomorrow. I hope YOU are moving right along with me.

*mwuah!*