relationships

Are your relationships changing?  Have friends left your life or how you interact with a family member is different?  Yeah, it's happening.  I've been thinking about this a lot lately. 

As we go through such big transformations (or subtle), E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G changes, from tiny things like how we breathe (hopefully its deeper and more) to big things like relationships, jobs, where we live, etc.  It is almost inevitable in some form (unless you are living under a rock).

As we let go of the things that we don't need any longer, like those old beliefs of "I'm not worthy enough" or "my past experience of opening my heart hurt me", as well as physical things and emotional ties, we become the stronger, brighter, even more light-filled people that we are meant to become.  As this happens, it might not always jive with the people around us.

And that is okay.

Well, I mean, it's a little hard at first, believe me, I know this from experience.

But over time, you will come to see that maybe those people were just gifts for a certain moment in time and they were not meant to be in your life for the long haul.  As much as we love people and *want* them to be, it is sometimes better to just let them go.

And then DO NOT FEEL GUILTY about it.

Our friends and family are reflections of ourselves.  Of our true inner being.  This might be a challenge for some of you to grasp, and that is perfectly okay.  Everyone in our lives is here to mirror and show us our beautiful glorious selves, as well as our inner maybe-not-so-glorious aspects of ourselves as well. 

Does someone in your life make you feel like a rockstar when you are together?  Fantastic! Rock on! This person just knows how to help you shine your light for the world to see!

Does another friend bring up deep emotional issues of self-worth because they are judgmental, critical, or disrespectful to your life path?  Great!  This is a gift!  No really, it IS!  They are just showing you that area of yourself that needs a little more LOVE. 

And yet .... (and you knew this was coming) ....

How you feel around this person might not be for your highest good ALL the time.  Consider where you are at in your life and what you want to focus on.  Maybe it is time for you to deal with the self-worth issues, to really look deep within yourself at why you feel less-than or unworthy of being your true self.  OR ... maybe it is an indication to speak your truth to this person that you are a beautiful amazing person that they don't really see (otherwise they might not be so critical).  OR ... maybe it is time to just walk away.

All scenarios are perfectly acceptable and will absolutely vary from person to person.

In my own life, I have had to step away from many, many people over the years (starting in my early 20's, so I know this lesson well!).  For one reason or another, people that have not supported my chosen path, have been misaligned with my intent, are so self-absorbed that they weren't a true friend, or for whatever reason, I have had to step into my own power to say either directly or indirectly, enough is enough.  I am not worthy of being stepped on, taken advantage of, our intents do not align with the highest good, and we simply do not need to be in each others energies.  It has been hard.  On many levels.  It is even harder when you thought you *really* truly knew and loved the friends and yet you still have to let them go from your life. 

But the GIFT of all these experiences has been that I can really see where people mirror me.  Every single experience has been exactly as it was meant to be for the time.  As shitty and emotional as some of the interactions were, I can honestly say each and every person has taught me so much.  Sure, I might miss one or two of these friends, but I know that at some point they might return to my life when we are both in better states of being.  Or not.  I am just fine with either scenario.  AND I have had friends I let go of come back into my life in perfect and divine ways, and even have heard, "I am so grateful we parted, it allowed me to become a better person."  What a blessing and I am so grateful to have a new friendship.

The relationships you have might also change as you are in them.  Right now I have a few different relationships that are so different from each other.  One dear dear friend of 7 years has not returned my phone calls for 6 weeks.  Another friend who might not know the real me on a physical level knows me so deeply on a soul level.  A person I was pretty close to for a long time seems to be just gone for now.  A new friend wants to get together for coffee and I just can't ever find time.  And all of these experiences are perfect.  My ego gets in the way every so often and wonders "what the hell?!" or "what did I do wrong?!" or "maybe I need to be more bold".   

But I know on a soul level that we are all exactly where we need to be right now.  All these friendships will shift and flow where they need to be in each moment, and I have no expectations or requirements about their "outcome."  I trust the friends and the Universe to guide us.  I also trust and know that the "right" friends (even though they are all right on some level) will ALLOW ME TO CHANGE and adapt to who I am in each moment, because honestly, I change a dozen times a day right now.

I have a whole LOT of beautiful people in my life that I know have my back and are there for me in any moment.  There have been old friends and acquaintances reappearing (thank god for facebook) from many different parts of my life and new people showing up, and they all are bringing such blessings to me (some of them I would have never ever predicted!).  My dearest closest friend right now is someone that I was initially very cautious of, but as we came together at the exact right moment, we have become such strong supports and mirrors for each other.  We have both grown so much this year and I would not be the same person without her.  Even if other people don't see her amazing light and gifts, I know the Universe conspired to bring us together.  We allow each other to change and grow, we have fun together, we do spiritual work together, and we also allow each other to be our own person.

I could not be more grateful.

My point is to allow your relationships to change.  Don't get stuck in the idea that because you have been friends with someone for 18 years you are required to stay friends for the rest of your life.  Be who YOU truly are in each moment and know that the people who are meant to stay in your life WILL.  Open your heart and stand in your own light.  Know the right people are always there at the right time.  Trust that each person will show you yourself and honor and love that person in each moment.  Only YOU will know who is meant to stay in your life.  I truly LOVE each and every person that has been in my life and always will (and that includes you, dear reader across the internetwaves!).  I am so blessed.

October?!

October 1?

Now wait just one minute.

What happened to September?  What happened to the whole summer, for that matter?

I seriously cannot wrap my head around the fact that it is FALL.  Like, autumn, leaves are changing color, it is getting cooler type fall.

I have looked at the golden tree's and seriously had the thought that that just isn't right, it's too early.

My brain has also seen all the leaves on my patio then done a "What the heck, where did these leaves come from?"

It just does not seem right.

Is it only me?

After some discussion with my mom, however, and my realizations that I can't STOP time, we have both come to the conclusion that time really did just STOP for us for a few months this year.  Everything came to a standstill while we attended to her health.  December through about April are seriously a blur, I can't remember too much.  Other than hospital stays, doctor's appointments, chemo sessions, panicked phone calls to dad....  It took all our effort just to get food in our bodies and then head off to whichever appointment she had.

Illness consumes everything.

Everything else just stopped.

Mom was officially cancer-free as of mid-June, after they removed her spleen.  Slowly but surely she started getting better.  In mid-July she took off for Atlanta for more recovery time.  And I really had GOOD SUMMER RELAXATION time for myself.  I ENJOYED every minute of it.  Soaked it all up and was finally feeling back to ME and in a groove of light and life.

And then "FALL" hit.  Kids back in school (not that I have my own, but my nephews), the collective consciousness of "let's start something new", getting my business ready for an expo at the end of September, etc.  BUSY.

Life just got BUSY with STUFF.

So now that I have a little breathing space again, this whole TIME thing is just throwing me for a loop.  It moves so FAST and I almost can't catch my breath.  There are so many projects on my to-do lists, and yet there never seems to be enough time in a day.  It is my lesson to really truly live in the MOMENT.

I guess I will just take one moment at a time, breathe, move in baby steps, and see what happens.