Reverb - 11 Things

Today's Reverb10 Prompt: 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?  (From Sam Davidson)

I hereby announce that in 2011 I no longer need:

1. To NOT Open My Heart. While I have always been open hearted, I have been very guarded and cautious lately. No more.
2. To be afraid of going out into the big wide "mainstream" world as ME. This includes going out with friends (new and old) to bars, clubs, art galleries, studios, music venues, and other places to just have FUN.
3. To define myself by my loss and changes in 2010. No more. Moving Forward.
4. Fear of not doing enough. I always feel behind. In everything. I will realize that NOW is all I have and it's all divinely timed.
5. To feel limited by my profession. The "metaphysical" world doesn't fit me any longer. That doesn't mean that I do not do "metaphysical" things or have the interest. It means I want to expand where my focus goes and not feel so defined as "new age" or just an "energy healer". I am also a writer, social media wanna-be, blogger, artist, event planner, magzine editor, jewelry designer, foodie, gardener, crafter, handmade wannabe, yogi, and MORE.
6. To spend too many hours (yes, hours) reading blogs, emails, websites, teleclasses, playing Frontierville, or other online actions that do not uplift my soul. Really. Done.
7. Fear of deserving and having money. There are so many ways I have sabotaged myself since childhood. I see this clearly Now, and know deep in my heart that there is MORE to life for me in ALL ways and to live my full amazing beautiful life I need to FEEL within myself that I deserve this life I dream of. And that takes money. Money is not evil. Money is good. There IS enough to go around. I do not live in a recession, I create all that I need NOW. Thanks.
8. To skip out on what makes me happy. Many times I will not do what makes me happy, usually for silly reasons like I don't want to drive there, it's too cold outside, I don't have the money, I have to go alone, etc. I want to do it ALL.
9. To doubt that I deserve romantic love. I AM SINGLE AND AVAILABLE. (Shit that was hard to type!) Yes, I may have "issues" and a different life, but we all do. There IS someone out there for me. He just hasn't shown up yet. I deserve it. I want it. I (looked at the clock just now and it's 11:11 pm!) am consciously calling in my divine soul partner NOW. You all know where to reach me if you have someone in mind.
10. Clutter in my office. Ugh. Enough already! I WILL find the time and energy to clear it all out!
11. To doubt that I am a beautiful, divine, brilliant, feminine, sexy, powerful WOMAN. Because I am.

Getting rid of these things will bring me closer to the full amazing human that I really truly am!  (And so are you!)

Whoo hoo!

Reverb - Moment

Day Three Reverb10 Prompt: Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

Just ONE?

I really did have a spectacular summer and have had some beautiful, amazing moments this year.

Visiting beautiful peaceful Savannah, Georgia, walking the streets, watching the people from all over the world, smelling coffee on one corner and seafood on the other.  Walking on the beach at nearby Tybee Island, feeling nothing other than complete presence and peace, watching the waves flow in and out, and even feeling the sun beating so hard on your skin, knowing you're getting sunburned.  Oh but forgetting the sunscreen and being beet red and in pain for days was so worth the moment of seeing my mom actually walk on the beach without falling and for miles even (when she can't walk more than a few hundred feet without tiring at home), and knowing the peacefulness it was bringing to her heart as well.

Sitting in my garden at the height of summer, curled up in my purple chair, colored twinkly lights above me, a glass of wine in one hand, knowing that the only moment I had was right then and there.  I didn't have to be a caregiver or a friend, I didn't have to even be ME, I could just melt into the starry sky and full moon above me, sing with my heart as I danced through the ethers, looking for my one true love, hearing his voice calling me home.  There was no time, no space, and life just flowed in perfection.

See, I can't just pick one, I have to continue.  I'm a rebel.

I also felt so alive when the journey was hard, as odd as that sounds.  The days when I was exhausted to the core and I could not focus on more than getting dressed and getting food in my body.  That's it.  Couldn't even wash my face or brush my teeth, the thought just tired me out.  I would just sit on the couch, try to breathe, and then the phone would ring.  A friendly gentle voice would ask how I was, the tears would start to fall (as they are now again), and I would hear loving words of support that one never really feels or understands until there is no sense of hope left.  And then life would move on to the next "thing."  It was feeling vulnerable and lost and hopeless, which in turn becomes light and grace to carry me through.

There was a party I threw last summer.  Invited my favorite friends, and we dined in the backyard and talked and laughed and laughed and laughed.  Of all the beautiful faces and conversations, great food, and laughing, my favorite moment was standing in the garden with a friend who was admiring the flowers in my garden.  Standing next to each other, having him ask what each one was, knowing there was higher "work" being done, the rest of the world disappeared.  Then again I was caught up in the joy of being hostess, and in the moments when I did sit in the circle of my peeps, I knew I was loved, and my heart filled to bursting.

Moments with Flora, Kai & Kaedon and the rest of my family, with friends, on the North Shore, travelling, participating in a friends wedding, making art, walking around the lakes, eating great food and desserts ....  life has swell moments, doesn't it?

blessings

Life has been a little bit in chaos lately.

But it's okay, it's all temporary as I clear out the old and move into the New.

This morning I was feeling so blessed and it was from the simplest things.

I was visiting a favorite farmers market that is in a beautiful setting.  Next to the river, in a renovated Mill, with a stunningly blue sky and perfect fall day (even though I refuse to admit it is fall yet, because technically its NOT).  A light breeze that felt so crisp and clean.  Just seeing all the colors, the bounty of a summer of hard work in the gardens, the creations of all the independent food and craft artisans ... it is a sight to behold.  Purchasing yummy veggies, smoked trout, divine chevre cheese, and sampling a little lavender chocolate is such a simple thing really.

I ran into good friends, we stood to chat just for a few minutes. 

The whole hour or so made me feel so blessed.  

And THEN to realize I *could* have gone to the bathroom in the Guthrie Theatre next door (I didn't, my meter was running out, but I HAVE in the past)!  I mean, hello, WHERE else on earth can you do THAT?!  One of the greatest theatre's in the country! 

Bliss.

Where do you find your joys?

Passion returns!

It has been a great few days of inspiration in unexpected places.  Slowly but surely I have been feeling my passion and joy return (after many months of being deep in the reality of illness and caregiving), and my heart is just about bursting at times because I love the world so much.

For a few months now there has been a gnawing at my soul to do something new, even though I am not sure what that means or what form it will take.  Yesterday I had a huge "OOOOOOHH!!" moment and created something new.  Something non-metaphysical (well, in most regards, since you can't really take that out of me) and deeply creative.  It's allowing me to express myself in a manner that has been forgotten for so many years.  I was almost giddy at how FUN this was to create.  Granted, it may not bring me money or be a new "job" by any means, but that doesn't even matter.  It allows me to BE who I really am, to express myself creatively and juicily (is that a word?!), and captures so many beautiful moments.

And then afterwards, I ate a cupcake.

Emmanuel's message today about August and our passions returning really spoke to me, and I am so grateful!  Sure, this type of message we usually hear repeatedly, but each time a new message shows up, it either resonates or it doesn't.  There have been so many over the past months that I could  have cared less about (with NO disrespect to any of the authors).  Anyhow, there is always more releasing to do, but remember that releasing brings new beginnings also.  :)

Know that you are loved and supported, and that the JOY will return!

soul singing

Ahhhh yes, today is a good day.

Nothing in particular or special happening.  I'm cleaning actually, like all out deep cleaning, wiping walls & shelves, rearranging stuff.  Really deep, hasn't-been-done-for-about-8-months type cleaning.  Even though I am sweating and stinky, since I've also spent a few hours outdoors pulling weeds, I feel really good.

As I was kneeling to pull a weed, I heard a little "tune" of music.  I actually gasped a little, thinking, "What IS that?"

Then I realized ....

    My soul is starting to sing again.

The singing is hard to explain.  Peaceful, brilliant, bright, loving, unexpected .... from a place deep within that you don't even know it exists.  All encompassing.


    And then the tears come.

        Again.

But it's all good.  This journey deserves tears of joy and sadness.  For so many reasons.  ALL of them good, despite what may seem as hard, pissy, stupid, or just outright bad and dark.  The joy, LOVE, peace, comfort, support, and even moments of bliss balance it all out and I am grateful for every single moment.

The past few months I have chosen to focus on three things ...

• LOVE.  In all ways, breathing it in, breathing it out, being in, embodying it.
•  
• ME.  Taking care of ME and nurturing myself, in whatever way that means in each second.
• 
  
• FUN.  It's SUMMER for cryin' out loud, what else would I choose?  (See previous post with my List!)  I want to experience fun summer things that make me happy, with the people that make me happy, and in ways that can only bring me more JOY.

I'm not sayin' there won't be challenges to come, but the fact that my soul is singing again makes it all worthwhile.

Can I just HUG the whole world right now?!  THAT is how good day is, so I want to send an energetic hug to each and every one of you!

     Oh watch out there, your shoulder might get a little wet though, since these tears of Joy are spreading!